I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
