Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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