When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He shit in the fireplace
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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