Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
