OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize