Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
