So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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