Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
