While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
