I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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