It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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