Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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