So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
