Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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