I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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