Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
