no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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