Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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