I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
