I will die if light touches me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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