I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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