Umm I'm too high to move.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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