just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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