They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
