i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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