Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
