...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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