We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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