but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
