i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
