I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
