You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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