I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
