At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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