i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
