ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
