All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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