best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
