she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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