just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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