I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
4 words: hood of his car
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
