When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
