don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
