why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
