she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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