Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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