Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
