So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
