All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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