do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize