i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize