So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
