And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
