I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
