I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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