didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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