I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
