ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I party with great urgency now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
