I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
