Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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