I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
