I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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