The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
