What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
