My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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