i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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