I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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