Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
