id be glad to
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
