Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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