you traded sex for a burrito?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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