Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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