I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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