I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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