Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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