Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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