WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
