My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's never too late to be topless.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
