i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
