The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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