Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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