We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
