Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
